Night and Day (Difference Between First and Second Child)

Anyone that read my blog posts from 2 years ago after I had my first son knows how difficult of an experience that was for me and my husband. In the back of my mind, I have always kind of wondered if I was just a pansy or if our experience truly was that challenging. Now that I have had a second baby, I can testify that I am no pansy. I love my first child with all my heart, but to say that the first few months of his life were hard would be an understatement.

Those first few months were some of the most trying days of our lives. I had a membrane sweep around 11 AM that immediately put my body into labor. I labored for about 12 hours before I even got to the hospital- and even then it’s only because my water broke.  I did not realize I was in active labor because I wasn’t experiencing any pain, or even any kind of distinct contractions. I was having some sharp, sudden pains around my stomach but I assumed they were normal stretching pains of pregnancy. I didn’t even think to time them.  My mother-in-law tried to convince me that I was in labor all day, but I simply didn’t believe it. I wasn’t in pain, and I wasn’t having any contractions that I could tell. I didn’t want to go to the hospital just to get sent home. My husband went to work that night, against my mother-in-law’s advice. Sure enough, my water broke at 10:30 PM and we rushed to the hospital.

I then labored for another 18 hours at the hospital before finally having a c-section. I hadn’t slept in 36 hours at that point and I hadn’t eaten anything in 24 hours. It was a very traumatic experience for my body. I was in so much pain when we left the hospital 2 days later. The nurse thought I was being ridiculous because I told her that I was in too much pain to walk out and that I needed a wheelchair. She thought it was even more ridiculous that I was in too much pain to carry the carseat and baby in my lap on the way out. I am not one to become easily debilitated by pain. As a matter of fact, I try to fight through pain, I refuse medication, and I take pride in my high tolerance level for pain. But my recovery from my first c-section was absolutely horrid. I was completely crippled by my pain, yet I still had a precious newborn baby boy to take care of. And that is just the tip of the iceberg!

I mentioned that the first few months of my first child’s life were very difficult, but I will only compare the first few days of each experience with my two children since my newest son isn’t even quite 5 days old.

The experience with my second child was completely different from the beginning. I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant, just like with my first, but the first trimester was so much different. I had a lot of nausea with my first, but I only actually threw up twice during my whole pregnancy. With my second, I threw up every day for a few weeks, then every other day for a few weeks, then once or twice a week, until it finally tapered off. The nausea returned for a while toward the end of my pregnancy, but I didn’t actually throw up anymore. The exhaustion I experienced in my first trimester with my second son was ridiculous. I could get a full night of sleep and spend the next day feeling like I hadn’t slept in days. It was so bad that I became a little depressed for a while just from sheer exhaustion and feeling sick all the time. The second trimester was fine. I felt great. The third trimester was long and difficult. It started with an emergency surgery to fix a tubal torsion. That was a very scary experience. I had nerve pain in my upper right leg that was awful every time I would stand up or move the wrong way. I had a lot of exhaustion.

And then labor started. I started feeling super impatient and irritable for a couple of weeks before labor with this pregnancy. I nested like crazy and had everything ready early. I think that somehow, my body knew something I didn’t and it was telling me to get ready. I  worked for weeks freezing things like meals, treats, and chopped fruits and veggies. I cleaned the house. I got hospital bags ready for me, my husband, and the baby. I had all the baby clothes washed. I had almost finished packing my oldest son’s overnight bag for when he stayed with his grandma while we would be in the hospital. I was READY!

By 38 weeks, the baby was so low that it was causing me quite a bit of pain. I felt like the baby was literally going to fall out of me at any moment. I had to pee all the time and it was super uncomfortable. I started experiencing contractions just before 38 weeks, too. They were irregular and didn’t hurt at all. I almost couldn’t tell if it was contractions or the baby moving or gas. But looking back, it’s obvious now that they were contractions. They got stronger and stronger and more frequent every day. I called labor and delivery at the hospital, but was told that when I go into active labor, I will be in pain and to wait until then. The nurse recommended a warm bath and to lay down. That night, my husband went to work and I got my son down for the night. I was still experiencing contractions, but no pain, so I figured I was just losing my mind. I went to bed around 10 and that’s when the contractions were about 10 minutes apart and becoming very, very strong. But- still no pain. So I just stayed in bed and tried to fall asleep. Finally, a contraction came that literally knocked my breath out of my chest. I fell to the floor and I couldn’t breathe. It felt like the baby was SO low, as it had for many days now. I tried going to the bathroom and that’s when another contraction came, but this time, it was in my lower back. I have never felt back pain so awful. I could not move at all. It was excruciating. That is when it clicked for me- I was in labor. My back was hurting so bad and things seemed to be progressing quickly. At home, the contractions were every 10 minutes. Within an hour, they were every 7 minutes. By the time I got to the hospital, they were every 5 minutes. And they were getting progressively stronger, too. By the time I was in the hospital getting ready to receive the IV, I was finally starting to feel some pain with each contraction. But it was minimal pain- mostly discomfort.

My doctor was luckily on call and even already at the hospital at the time, so he decided to go ahead and get me prepped for surgery. My husband was still 2 hours away and my labor was progressing quickly, so we decided to proceed without him. I was progressing so quickly that I actually felt optimistic about possibly having a VBAC, but the doctor still discouraged attempting one and felt that although I was progressing at the moment, labor probably would not result in birth. I’m not sure what indicated such a prediction for him. The nurse that checked me for dilation had a very hard time getting to my cervix and seemed very unsure of her determination, but claimed that I was about 2 cm dilated. Who actually knows how far dilated I really was? Personally, I feel like I was probably dilated more than that, and even if not, I felt like my body was on the ball and that I would be dilating more and more with time. To be honest, part of me wonders if I could have had a successful VBAC. The baby only weighed 7 pounds and 7 ounces and my body seemed to know exactly what it was doing this time, but whatever. I can’t wonder and dwell on the what-ifs of something that is in the past now. So anyway, my husband missed the birth by maybe half an hour in the end.

The baby was born and I was whisked off to my new room. He swallowed a little bit of amniotic fluid during birth, but I was told that it wasn’t a lot and the baby should be able to work it out on his own. Other than that, the surgery and birth went beautifully. Wayne latched wonderfully from the beginning. The nurse even told us that in all the years she had been doing this, she had never seen a newborn latch so readily and perfectly. It was as though he had been breastfeeding for months. After the experience with my first son, I was shocked and super thrilled about it. My first son had a mild case of tongue tie, and still does. This affected his ability to latch and remove milk efficiently. Breastfeeding was a struggle for us until he was about 2 months old or so. And then we both finally worked through it and learned how to nurse successfully despite the tongue tie. Nicholas still has tongue tie, but it’s such a mild case that every pediatrician has been reluctant to do anything about it. I feel as though the tongue tie caused so many problems with breastfeeding and is causing a delay in speech development now, so I think it’s time I take matters into my own hands with it and find someone who will do something about it. But anyway…

My husband joined us and we embraced our new child and life. The hospital stay was everything one could hope for in a hospital stay- nurses woke me and the baby up all day and night. The food wasn’t great, though not the worst I’ve ever had. The doctor who visited me the next day ripped the adhesive bandage off of my incision like I had insulted her mother or something. I know for a fact that there was a more humane way to do it. Adhesive remover does exist! The pediatrician used it to remove an adhesive label from my son’s leg. I swear it was hard not to take it personal. I had and have had more pain from her ripping that bandage off than I had and have had from the surgery itself. I fully intend to ask my usual doctor if that’s standard procedure. Stupid doctor. But anyway… I was so ready to get out of the hospital. It was recommended that I stay until Thursday morning, but I was determined to be out of there Wednesday afternoon. I peed in their measuring thing to prove I could pee normally after the catheter. I took a shower so that I could prove that I could shower without passing out. I walked around the floor multiple times a day to prove that I was recovering well. Shortly said, we left Wednesday afternoon.

I have been amazed at how much easier and speedy my recovery has been this time around. I couldn’t have walked around the floor 24 hours after having my first c-section. I couldn’t even pee unassisted for almost a week after my first c-section. I wasn’t able to move around the house good until about a week after either. I have no idea why my first experience was so hard. I know other women who have had c-sections and their experience seems to be in line with my experience this time. Maybe it’s because I labored so long beforehand, or because I was so sleep deprived and starving already, or because me and my first baby were so much bigger than this time. I don’t know. But I am so grateful that this time was not a repeat of my first experience. It has been about 5 days since I had my second son and I am walking around the house normally. I have been able to pee by myself since we were in the hospital. I can take showers unassisted and even walk up and down the stairs. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing too much, but I’m only doing as much as I feel like I can.

I had some back pain after I had the baby, just like after my first baby, but it’s finally starting to go away. I think it takes a while for the body to adjust to the weight and posture change after being pregnant for 9 months and then being not pregnant all of a sudden. I’m still a little sore from the surgery, but it’s not painful really- just sore. Breastfeeding has made me a little sore, but nowhere near what it was with my first.

And then there’s the baby blues, which I posted about with my first child. Hopefully readers understand the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression. They are very different. Baby blues only last a couple of weeks after having a baby, and it’s caused by the hormonal shift women experience after having a baby. I don’t seem to have the baby blues per se this time, but I am experiencing the restlessness that I also had with my first. I am only getting about 3-4 hours of sleep every night. But strangely, I’m holding up pretty good still. I think it’s just the hormonal shift that’s screwing me up. I’ll sleep for a couple of hours until the baby wakes me up and then after being awake nursing and burping for half an hour or so, I have a hard time falling back asleep. Hopefully it’ll get better with time. But yeah- I don’t have the intense mood swings or crying that I had with Nicholas. I guess I get a little moody and emotional at night for a while, but no crying or anything, and it’s nothing like what I went through with Nicholas.

Now I have to rave some more about breastfeeding. I mentioned that Wayne latched perfectly from the beginning. Because of that, breastfeeding is a much more enjoyable experience in these first few days. Wayne breastfeeds for 10-20 minutes on each side and then sleeps for 2-4 hours. It’s beautiful. The tongue tie that my first baby had made breastfeeding a nightmare. He would have a very hard time latching. And then once he finally latched, he would take forever to empty a breast. I literally breastfed him around the clock. By the time he nursed on each side, it took so long that it was time to breastfeed again almost immediately. Because of that, he didn’t sleep well either. Looking back, I really wish that I had insisted that someone do something about his tongue tie. We shouldn’t have had to suffer as much and as long as we did. One of the first things I asked after Wayne was born was if he had any amount of tongue tie whatsoever. And please believe- I was going to make sure that something was done about it if so!

Wayne still has his days and nights mixed up, so he doesn’t settle down for the night until around midnight. But then he sleeps pretty good after that. He wakes up about twice between midnight and when our oldest son wakes up around 7:30. He seems to hate having a messy diaper, whether it’s pee or poop. He won’t even breastfeed sometimes until his diaper is changed first. Nicholas was never that way. And like I said before, he sleeps a ton. Nicholas was a horrible sleeper from the start. He really didn’t start becoming a better sleeper until he was about 11 months old.

So… these early days with our second son are much easier and I am definitely grateful , but it in no way affects the love I have for my first son. Those first few days were so very hard, but I’d do it all over again for him. And it’s a good thing we had that experience with our first child. I can’t imagine having that experience with our second child, especially if the first was good and easy. It would be even more difficult. I will be honest, I am bonding with my second son sooner than I did with my first, but it’s only because I am not in a crisis like I was with my first. I loved my first immediately, but bonding happened gradually as we overcame our trials and struggles together. But the bond that formed over time is incredibly strong now. A bond cultivated through such teamwork and love and sacrifice is something special and wonderful. I love both of my boys unconditionally. They are my world. My experience bringing each one into the world was very different, but they are both worth every challenge I have faced and will face as their mother.