The First Two Weeks

The First Two Weeks

The first few weeks of my son's life are kind of a blur. I was so sleep deprived and exhausted and in pain from my c-section the first week. I only got a total of 12 hours of sleep during the first week of his life. Partly because of hormone-induced insomnia, partly because of my c-section, and partly because of my son's sleeplessness.

People think I'm crazy when I tell them, but my son did not become a good sleeper until he was about 8 or 9 weeks old. He literally only slept 8-12 hours within a 24 hour period before that. And only 2-4 hours at a time at night. Even now, he only sleeps about 12 hours within a 24 hour period. He'll sleep about 8-9 hours at night, waking up to eat once. And then he'll nap for about 3 hours during the day. They say "sleep when the baby sleeps", but you're on your own when your baby doesn't sleep!

The first week was also rough in the breastfeeding department. It took my milk 5 days to come in. And then my baby fussed so much that I thought he was starving. I started supplementing with formula (big mistake). Also, I was so sleep deprived that my husband and mother-in-law gave him formula one night so that I could finally sleep. I got somewhere between 4-6 hours of sleep that night. They wanted me to breastfeed too, but they were so concerned for me. I was a wreck.

Not to mention, 8 days after having a baby, we moved an hour and a half away. That was rough. But I don't think my husband, nor I for that matter, expected me to have a c section or knew how rough life was with a newborn. I did all the packing while I was at the end of my pregnancy. It's so funny how I felt like super woman during my pregnancy. I walked, I packed up an entire house, I visited people and did things for people. And then to see how debilitated I became after having a baby. I had a hard time with it. I didn't enjoy healing from a c-section and being confined to a chair nursing a baby around the clock. I have always been active- cleaning, cooking, writing, etc. I'm not the type to just sit. I felt trapped and confined by my baby for a long time. I think that went hand-in-hand with my "baby blues" and difficulty bonding with my son.
Nowadays, my favorite thing to do is sit and nurse my son. It's relaxing and I get to bond with my son.

The second week was rough, but better. I could get around a little bit better and sleep a little more comfortably. I still hadn't really bonded with my son and the "baby blues" hadn't gone away yet. They weren't really gone until about 10 days postpartum. I still had some lingering "baby blues" after that but it was nowhere near as bad. Bonding was gradual, it was a process that took place for months. But I'd say I became officially bonded with my son by the time he was about 9 weeks old. And it gets stronger and stronger every day.

I still struggled with breastfeeding in the second week. That was a struggle that lasted until my son was about 7 weeks old. When I say I "struggled with breastfeeding", what I really should say is "I struggled with formula". My son has latched beautifully since day one. He had issues with just taking the nipple at first but he learned quickly to take in more and that milk came more easily that way. Breastfeeding itself was not the issue. It was me thinking my milk supply or milk in general was insufficient. I thought his fussing meant he was starving. I thought if I didn't pump much, that meant I wasn't producing much. I thought if my breasts weren't getting engorged that I wasn't producing enough milk. And my son suffered from my ignorance. The formula made him extremely gassy and fussy. We thought we had a colicky baby but he just wasn't doing well with formula. After we quit formula altogether, he started improving immediately. However, it took about a month for his body to get back to normal and for the gassiness  to fully go away. I thought it was something I was eating but I can now eat whatever I want. He rarely ever gets gassy now.

It's so easy to forget the hard times once they're over. I forget how difficult those first 2 weeks were. I forget how ignorant and inexperienced I was. I forget the feeling of being in an alternate universe when you're that sleep deprived. I forget the struggle. It's only when I stop and really think about those first couple of weeks and really relive it in my mind that I can remember how hard it really was.

Luckily, I don't have the time to sit and think about it too much anymore! And I have happier, better times to replace those memories.